Over the past year, I have confronted a lot of “truths” that I bought into. As it turns out, a few of them are not MY truths! They are myths that life has busted open. And that’s freeing in its own fantastic and abrasive way.
Myth 1) Falling in Love
What a lovely word, FALLING? It conjures up images of failing, accidents, crashing my bike in the middle of a triathlon, and generally being out of control.
This is what falling looks like! Bloody elbows and a busted derailleur! Falling SUCKS! Also, I freaking love this bike, but anyway…
Why did I ever want to “fall” in love. Now before you get all, “Sara is so jaded now! She’s probably sitting at home listening to Kelly Clarkson” let me explain! To begin, YES I am listening to Kelly Clarkson. And YES I still believe in BEING “in love”. But is love really some accidental wipe-out of the heart? Or could it be that LOVE is something we enter and remain in?
My truth? You step into love, and choose to wade deeper and deeper into love, one day and one decision at a time. Which would explain how one could step out of love… Something my heart has not had the easiest time grasping until I threw “falling in love” out the proverbial window!
One can back out of love, swim back to shore. Maybe the person still swimming around out there “in love” attempts to pull the other back in. Maybe they even succeed. But often they begin to drown. Been there! Until the day I came home to an empty house. My heart was alone, but afloat for the first time in a year. That was the day I stopped fighting.
Myth 2) Being Abandoned.
As tempting as it is to feel that my heart has been abandoned in all this, I know the truth. We cannot force anyone to come into our lives, or remain there. We can certainly shove them out. But abandoned? That’s not me. My truth is this: Everyone who’s lives should intersect with mine just will. If they move on, there’s always a reason, even if only God is privy to it. That’s an incredibly freeing concept!
Myth 3) Having a Broken Heart
I thought my heart was breaking. I thought this was the end. No and NO! This is just the beginning! Truth: My heart has suffered some significant bruisings.
The day I came home to an empty house was my beginning. When I woke up in that empty house, my stomach hurt from crying so hard. Yet a part of my heart I assumed had died awakened. At first it was just a dim spark of the Sara that runs and writes and longs to make a difference… to change the world even! And I am following that part of my heart into the flames, as terrifying as that can be. Running through these doors that are suddenly opening. Stepping into my dreams… Dreams I was about to give up on! Ultra-sized dreams!
Myth 4) Facing Closed Doors. And Opened Ones
Sure, it’s comforting to tell myself “Oh this door or that door is closed because this is not my path.” And it’s thrilling when doors fling open that we weren’t even knocking on!
But the moment of truth (again, MY truth, so don’t feel obligated to accept it): God leaves doors propped open that aren’t always ours to go through. At least not YET! And I’m not done blowing your mind…
He seals doors shut that He actually intends for us to run through. Wait, WHAT?!
Ok, it’s like sport. Now that I can run again (hooray for an unexplainably healthy hip!) this opens a lot of doors for me. Gifts and talents have a way of doing that for us, like keys… Opening more than one door. Several in fact. But that doesn’t mean I should run through all of them! That doesn’t mean I should sign up for another Ironman or head to Bear Mt. in May for that trail marathon. Not now anyway. Maybe never!
During that eternally long season of an indefinite break from running, I was SO frustrated. Running is one of the rare things that my heart and body and mind can all agree on! If I’m in love with ANYTHING, it’s running. It is my outlet and my platform. Something I am certain I am meant to do, and with purpose!
But when my hip rebelled, that door was slammed shut so abruptly that the sound of it resonated down the halls of my heart at deafening tones. Did that mean I would never run again and that door was forever closed? I asked myself that everyday. I almost believed it. No, it was just closed for a season. Like your favorite ice cream stand 🙂
There’s a truth about doors that is difficult to accept: Sometimes God gives us a key, and it can open endless doors. We aren’t supposed to run through them all. And if you don’t possess the secret to cloning yourself, good luck running through ALL THE DOORS!
Then what’s the point of even having so many doors to choose from anyway? Truth: So we learn to tune into God, and follow our hearts, but with patience and wisdom.
And those doors that were slammed painfully and abruptly in our face? The ONLY doors we want to run through? When it comes to those doors, I choose to trust that God knows better than I do what’s on the other side. And He is either protecting me from harm I cannot detect. Or He knows that I am simply not ready. And like sport, you just have to stick to the training plan and let it prepare you for the day that door flies open, and you cross the finish line!